


Love you to death

by FaiaHae



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Library, He's also not a serial killer, M/M, Prompt Fill, Stern is not in the FBI, references to murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 12:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18315284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaiaHae/pseuds/FaiaHae
Summary: Barclay thought he might be falling in love with a serial killer.





	Love you to death

Barclay thought he might be falling in love with a serial killer. 

 

It would serve him right, he thought, a bit testily. It has been almost a  _ year _ now that Stern (just Stern, no first name) had been staying in Kepler. He’d been sweet, he’d been polite, he’d frequented the local business and none of the chains. He was staying at the lodge- which was nerve wracking enough, because it’s not as though the sylphs liked company. 

 

But he was kind, and he learned their names and asked about their hobbies when he could, and after a year, everyone had stopped avoiding him. Probably because Barclay wasn’t telling them the rest of it.

 

Barclay was, unfortunately, the only person remaining in Kepler with a degree in library science. So when the old manager at the library died...He’d stepped in. So he spent Monday through saturday, 9-5, sitting behind the counter or ducking around reshelving books. And every day- 10-12, and then taking a break for lunch, and then 1-5, Stern came in, read books, followed along behind him asking about where things were shelved or where he could find a particular reference section. A few times, against Barclay’s better judgement, He’d accepted Stern’s offer of getting dinner after the library closed.

 

So he wasn’t entirely sure they  _ weren’t _ dating. Fuck, they were probably dating.

  
The real problem was that all of the books Stern looked so charming reading- sitting in the corner in his pressed shirt and slacks with his reading glasses on and dammit, Barclay was getting DISTRACTED again.

 

Stern, sitting in a corner, looking the perfect picture of every domestic fantasy Barclay had ever had, a book open in his lap, chewing on the end of a pen and writing in a notebook. Perfect, as long as you didn’t read the  _ titles. _

 

_ The Golden Age of Murder, Martin Edwards _

 

_ Principles of Bloodstain Pattern Analysis: Theory and Practice _

 

_ Gunshot Wounds: Practical Aspects of Firearms, Ballistics, and Forensic Techniques, Third Edition  _

 

_ Disposition of Toxic Drugs and Chemicals in Man _

 

_ Murder in Plain English: From Manifestos to Memes--Looking at Murder through the Words of Killers, Michael Arntfield and Marcel Danesi _

 

Barclay figured that he really didn’t have a right to judge, and then got mad at himself for thinking that, and then went back to thinking that well, maybe he’d fought a few people in his time, and then concluded that he was giving Stern too much of a pass for being attractive, and then went back to  _ well no one in KEPLER has been killed, so- _

 

He was having one of his usual internal debates over dinner with Stern one night, when Stern sighed in a way that seemed particularly put-upon, and tugged a bit at Barclay’s heartstrings. He pushed aside his internal debate about dating a serial killer.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“That obvious?”

 

Barclay mimiced Stern’s sigh, and was rewarded with a little laugh that made his stomach fill with butterflies. 

 

“It’s....nothing, really, it’s just...well. Can I tell you a secret?”

 

Barclay’s heartrate kicked up to near-fatal levels, but Stern was giving him such a  _ charming _ grin that Barclay forgot, for a moment, about the legal implications of being an accomplice, and his mouth got ahead of his brain, and what came out of his mouth was “sure.”

 

Stern propped up his chin in his hands and leaned across the table, lowering his voice conspiratorially. 

 

“I’m actually a mystery novel author, and-”

 

“Ohthankgod.” 

 

“Huh?”

 

Stern looked baffled, and Barclay slapped his hands over his mouth. After a moment, the pure confusion on Stern’s face undid him, and he wheezed.

  
“I’m sorry for- interrupting. You were saying?”

  
Stern just raised an eyebrow, and Barclay put his face in his hands.

  
“Ithoughtyouwereaserialkiller.”   
  


“You thought I was a  _ what? _ ”   
  


“I mean, the library books-”   
  
“And you still went out with me?? You need a better sense of self preservation, Barclay.”

 

Stern’s tone sounded so genuinely scandalized that Barclay couldn’t do anything but laugh, reading across the table and taking his hand. 

 

“I guess I figured your enemies had it coming.”

 

Stern looked skeptical, but Barclay smiled at him, and after a moment, the struggle to keep a straight face was lost. He sighed.

 

“They would. But- actually- I’ve just been having trouble with this scene-”

 

Barclay settled into his chair, watching Stern gesture with the hand that wasn’t still holding his, and thought that he should be more worried about the fact that he had been totally prepared to find out that the man he’d been dating half a year was a serial killer.

 

_ No one could ever know about this.  _


End file.
